Enemy

Lost in the darkness....

No. I won't fall back on musical lyrics to express myself. I am both too intelligent and too prideful for such cheats.

(To be clear, and to assuage my aforementioned pride, I've already substituted "good" words with "fall back on" and "cheats" because my vocabulary appears to have taken the day off.)

So, where was I? Oh yes, lost in the darkness.

I'm a victim of my fucked up brain. I hate the word victim, but I fear in this instance the responsibility cannot be placed at the feet of my temporarily compromised vocabulary. Like it or not, victim fits. I am a victim of my fucked up brain.

I feel alone, when surrounded by peeps I love.
I feel self-conscious, when offered nothing but acceptance.
I feel ugly, although I know I'm adored by at least one incredibly special person.

I feel... substandard. Lacking. Wanting. Insufficient.
I feel pathetic.
Worthless.
Forgotten.
Inconsequential.

And now, I feel self-indulgent for articulating my mental insecurities in the midst of a wonderful weekend.

I *am* my own worst enemy, no doubt.

I'm a fucking whack-job
whack-job
whack-job
I'm a fucking whack-job
Who are you?

outside

Weird.

I am weird.

From the outside looking in...

and from downstairs, looking up.

Excluded.

Incapable of breaching the distance.

An outsider. A freak.

Weird.