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I guess it's all about perspective: How I see myself, how others view me, and how I would like to be perceived.
If I can't define how I would like others to see me, what hope is there of being comfortable with myself? Why is it I can readily tick off the pieces of me that I dislike, but the list of "likes" is so much shorter, and so reluctantly given?
I am who I am, and I am extremely fortunate. Intellectually, I know this. I will challenge myself to appreciate who I am and what I have, to define the gifts, to articulate the blessings, and to verbally acknowledge my appreciation.
Oh good God, I'm trying to be positive and instead I sound like a fucking self-help book. The blessings? What a crock of crap. I'll settle for doing something nice for ksm and telling her just how much I love her.
Somewhere here, I managed to detour off topic. Stream of consciousness and all that crap. But maybe there is a thread. There is no way to please everyone else - that's a premise born to fail and basically an all-around asinine concept. While I cannot "be" what others expect, however, I can demand certain standards of myself. Now the challenge, should I choose to accept this mission, will be not to set the bar so fucking high. I am so skilled at setting myself up for failure. And so quick to recognize when I fail myself. And even quicker at projecting the knowledge of failure onto those around me.
Yay, I've clearly delineated a habitual thought process that requires modification. When does all of this wonderful aesthetic knowledge lead to change?
If I can't define how I would like others to see me, what hope is there of being comfortable with myself? Why is it I can readily tick off the pieces of me that I dislike, but the list of "likes" is so much shorter, and so reluctantly given?
I am who I am, and I am extremely fortunate. Intellectually, I know this. I will challenge myself to appreciate who I am and what I have, to define the gifts, to articulate the blessings, and to verbally acknowledge my appreciation.
Oh good God, I'm trying to be positive and instead I sound like a fucking self-help book. The blessings? What a crock of crap. I'll settle for doing something nice for ksm and telling her just how much I love her.
Somewhere here, I managed to detour off topic. Stream of consciousness and all that crap. But maybe there is a thread. There is no way to please everyone else - that's a premise born to fail and basically an all-around asinine concept. While I cannot "be" what others expect, however, I can demand certain standards of myself. Now the challenge, should I choose to accept this mission, will be not to set the bar so fucking high. I am so skilled at setting myself up for failure. And so quick to recognize when I fail myself. And even quicker at projecting the knowledge of failure onto those around me.
Yay, I've clearly delineated a habitual thought process that requires modification. When does all of this wonderful aesthetic knowledge lead to change?
posted by psychoselph at 8:56 PM
3 Comments:
If mental wellness were all about defining our self-destructive behaviors, most of us would be done with therapy after about three visits. As Phyllis, my very wise therapist, likes to say, "Understanding is the booby prize."
I think it's well and good to demand certain standards of yourself, but it's also important to cut yourself some slack and nurture yourself when you're not feeling 100%. Treat yourself as you would any good friend or loved one. If ksm were going through a difficult time, would you berate her or comfort her?
"Now the challenge... will be not to set the bar so fucking high." Gimme some credit, huh?
I hear what both of you are saying about not being so hard on myself, but there's a difference between "nurture" and "coddling." I don't want to wallow in self-pity any more than I do self-criticism. I KNOW you don't mean self-pity either - it's just an example. Fact is, I don't want to wallow in self-anything. And especially not in selph-anything. *sigh* I've got to get out of my head and into my job.
Forgot to say: I like "insteadofme" much better. :)
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